Supporting a Resistant Child
Whenever we experience transition (change of seasons, return to school, life-changes at home…) resistance to routine should be expected.
If you find yourself negotiating with your students and arguing about their participation and attendance at Jiu Jitsu, school or another activity you are not alone.
Kids are smart, they know their caregivers, and they are really good at getting what they want. Strong-willed kids can be really tough to parent, but we’ve got good news! That very same personality trait will be an assets in adulthood. So the question becomes, “how do we work with our children to move through resistance so we can fight less and enjoy our activities more.”
First, it’s important to make sure basic needs are met. Is the student hungry? tired? stressed out or concerned about something that has or might happen?
Next, consider what else might be going on. When a student who usually looks forward to class suddenly changes their tune, theirs probably something else going on.
Sometimes kids are angling to get more screen time, knowing that if they're home instead of at the gym, you'll need the screen's support so you can finish your work day. Sometimes, they are feeling embarrassed about an interaction on the mat. Sometimes they are feeling anxious about a particularly challenging teammate, or they are wanting or wanting to avoid a spotlight... Dig deeper to understand what else is going on and bring us into the conversation.
Consider what’s happening before and after class - are they feeling pressure to compete? Are they being scolded about effort or reminded of their missed opportunities on the drive home? Did they tap too late or forget to tap at all or miss their opponents tap and feeling hurt or frustrated?
Finally decide on your approach. For some families, training jiu jitsu is a non-negotiable - it’s like brushing your teeth. For other families, it’s something a student must do in order to have the privileges they want. For others still, it’s one of many things their child does and it scales up and down with availability and interest. Consider your approach, and consider how flexible you can be.
Most students attend class 1-2 times a week. Some attend every single class they have on the schedule, but we encourage each family to make a schedule that works for them. If a student is burning out, scale back. If a student is on fire for BJJ scale up.
And remember why you chose Jiu Jitsu in the first place.
You chose Jiu Jitsu for a set of reasons that is unique to your family and your child, but it’s safe to bet that those reasons include at least a few of the following:
You know it's good for them to do hard things.
You want them to have the experience of pushing through discomfort.
You want to support their athleticism.
You want them to build strength and stamina and self-belief.
You want them to make friends.
You want them to experience strong role-models in their coaches, jr. coaches and peers.
You want to be part of a community.
Jiu Jitsu is hard - no doubt. Life is hard. School is hard. Work is hard. Navigating relationships is hard. Our students learn to move through hard. We cannot save our students from hard, but we can prepare them for it by giving them opportunities to experience and move through hard.
We're here to help you keep your students motivated, excited and consistent. But we can't help you if we don't know there's an issue, so if you're struggling with a reluctant child, let us know.